This is a hot topic which I will discuss in this platform.

As you all know, I really love Emma Chamberlain. Yes, she is a 19-year-old girl, a YouTuber, a fashion icon, and a business woman. She grew up in San Francisco and now she is currently living in LA, in her huge mansion. How great is that. Emma is a YouTuber who I consider to be one of several other YouTubers who is unproblematic and behave naturally as she is in front of the camera. I mean, have you ever seen someone that farts loudly and belches so often in front of the camera and not cut off that part? lol. The concept of her video is not as beautiful as other YouTubers who are quite aesthetic and conceptual, instead she just records anything spontaneously and it's fun to watch. Honestly, there are so many things I can learn from this 19-year-old girl.

Three days ago, just like her usual days, Emma posted a photo taken from the film camera of her best friend, Olivia Rouyre. She posed silly as usual. When I saw this post, one thing that crossed my mind was "Wow, it's so cool. I will try it but using disposable effect on my apps, instead"

 

Everything was fine until today, June 21, 2020, precisely on Father's Day, Emma again posted a photo of her with her father. When I casually saw the comments column on the post, I was quite surprised by the words of people who want to hear an apology from Emma for the previous post. My spirit of curiosity arose and I immediately scrolled one photo below the post, which was a photo taken by Olivia Rouyre. When I read the comments on the post, I suddenly felt sick and could not understand the thoughts of today's society. How can you feel offended with a photo which someone pull at their eyes"?

Long story short, many people felt offended and thought that Emma was racist and mocked the Asian People by posing deliberately pull at her eyes like having slanted eyes. As far as I know, this is a trend in Tiktok, the Fox Eye Challenge which people shaving their eyebrows to resemble Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid. It's just a look, not a mockery of Asian people.

I scratched my head while reading this. What a sensitive world we live in. I understand that this coincides with the "Black lives matter" moment that is being fought for and voiced by many people, including Emma. In fact, Emma is actively opening donations and petitions on her platform. This fact really bothered me that the comments were not fully said by the Asian People, but the white people and fake accounts also commented and asked Emma to apologize for the post. Why do you force someone who is even very gray to be called wrong? Do you agree with me that young people are too sensitive there days?

Speaking about the sensitive attitude of the younger generation, a director from the University of Kent once explained that "When young people arrive at university, they may be physically mature but they are not as adults - mentally and emotionally - as previous generations were," and I agree with that 100%. Our generation seems to be easily spoiled. Previous generations had problems that might dwell on money. They were busy working more than 15 hours a day just to get a serving of rice to eat so they wouldn't starve and their families could survive. But now, I feel that such problems have diminished. We are much better physically, and the community's economy is starting to improve until finally the current generation has more time to think more about feelings and emotions. We live in a time when we always have to be careful of everything we say, even if it's trivial matter. For example, when you meet a friend who is very talented and you praise him, it is not impossible that it can causes jealousy from other friends who feel not special because they do not have that talent. This fact sometimes makes us reluctant to offer praise for something special and indirectly reduces the motivation of people with special talents to try hard to develop it. It is same with racism. There is a thin line making it difficult to distinguish between speaking the truth, speaking our opinion, and taunting someone purely for being racist.

In Emma's case above, I personally consider that this is only a matter of misinterpretation. This incident happened because there was an opportunity for people who might hate Emma to make her completely canceled. There's no way for Emma posted something racist on her platform. A sane person would not act stupid things like that. There is not even a fact explaining in detail about racism that she did, even in the written caption. She just posed pulling at her eyes and that's it. It is important for everyone to understand the ethics of how to debate and challenge ideas that they are disagree with. In conclusion, I think a positive attitude and thinking about everything and eliminating bad prejudice are the key to this problem. 

This writing's driven by my confusion of some weird phenomena over the internet. If you know me from the very beginning, you know that I was a big fan of Dina Tokio. I do love her bubbly personality, a genuine one.
Dina Tokio adalah seorang fashion blogger (occasional fashion designer I would say) dan Youtuber yang dahulu dikenal melalui modest fashion atau hijab tutorial yang sering dia bagikan pada beragam platform yang dia miliki. Signature style Dina Tokio yang masih aku ingat pada saat itu adalah big head hijab style with a humongous scrunchie yang cukup booming di tahun 2010an. Literally humongous hijab style ever which give you kinda volumised hair but with a scarf on it. Hal lain yang tidak lepas dari identitas Dina Tokio adalah big pin yang dia pakai pada setiap hijab style. If I think about it now, it was so silly but it did look so good back then though. She's just so damn beautiful so she can pull off any hijab style. I did really adore her style, her beauty, her personality, her fashion style, ah just everything about her. I was a fan girl.

Tidak lama dari style tersebut, Dina kemudian mulai mengenalkan turban style yang cukup berbeda dengan turban style pada umumnya. Obviously she made it a little bit higher for her look. Sama seperti Dina, everyone's got their signature style, seperti Dian Pelangi, muslim designer Indonesia, dengan gaya turban yang dilengkapi inner ninja, dan Ascia, Kuwaiti-based blogger, dengan turban yang edgy dan wrap yang rendah dan sederhana.

Fenomena ini menggiring banyak perempuan muslim maupun non muslim tertarik untuk mempelajari hijab dan berakhir pada pemahaman terhadap Islam. Atau dengan kata lain hal ini juga mengikis islmaphobia yang cukup gencar pada saat itu. Jelas, itu hal yang cukup menggembirakan dan membuat aku pribadi pada kala itu persistent pada pilihanku untuk berhijab. They just brought us a new fresh air.

It was a hot trend yet it brought some controversy around the community. Muslim community started questioning about what the hijab rule should be. Hal ini berawal ketika Dina Tokio mulai memperlihatkan rambutnya dari waktu ke waktu. Berawal dari rambut bagian atas yang sedikit terlihat hingga tidak lagi menggunakan inner ninja untuk menutupi lehernya pada saat menggunakan turban. Tidak hanya Dina, hal mengejutkan serupa juga dilakukan oleh Ascia yang memperlihatkan tattoo pada beberapa bagian tubuhnya. Pada awalnya hal ini cukup mengagetkan, namun semakin lama hal ini menjadi wajar dimataku dan mungkin beberapa orang lainnya. 

Common reason yang sering digunakan dalam balasan komentar yang menjelaskan bahwa apa yang mereka bagikan salah adalah: "Rata-rata orang yang mengomentari hal tersebut adalah pria. Apakah pria muslim juga sudah memikirkan hal tersebut pada dirinya sendiri? Bahwa pria tidak boleh menggunakan emas, tidak bolah potong rambut dengan gaya skin fade, dsb. Cukup lucu bahwa itu tidak direfleksikan pada dirinya sendiri. Hijab lebih dari sekedar scarf di kepala. Konsep hijab itu luas dan mencakup hijab personality as a moslem..."

Komentar seperti itu muncul selama 6-7 tahun lebih dan masih berlanjut hingga saat ini. I was positioning myself as objective as possible to see this issue. Di sisi orang yang berkomentar hal ini sebenarnya baik, yaitu untuk mengingatkan, tetapi beberapa orang menganggapnya cukup mengganggu dan seperti menyerang Dina di depan umum. They assumed that it would be better if they send her a message privately to make it polite. Dina terkesan bertingkah defensif dengan menegaskan bahwa moslem influencer bukan sebutan yang ia usung, tetapi muncul karena labelling dari masyarakat pada awalnya. It bothered me a lot to be honest. Hingga pada suatu titik dimana dia didekati oleh seorang pria di tube dan diingatkan bahwa apa yang dia pakai tidak sesuai ajaran islam. She felt offended and explained it on YouTube which it made me shaking my head. Bagiku tidak ada yang salah dengan mengingatkan. Beberapa mendukungnya dan beberapa yang lain mulai memberikan kritik terhadap Dina. Me? From deep down of my heart I know she's wrong, but I kinda act indifferent with the situation even though i was truly sad with her statement. 

She's gradually showing her hair and her skin. Now, she completely takes her hijab off...

Back then I was so silent understood by some as a good attitude. They called me smart, kind, and humble. Such a big burrito, right? However, what is clear for me is I WAS SO FREAKIN' SHY. Sometimes somethings scared me to the point of making my body sweat and all of  the sudden it all became chaotic. Talking was like a nightmare to me, like a homework of 10 pages of essay in a day

I always feel bad towards others. I often say "sorry" and automatically think about it all day long.

When I was in college, I gave up all of my time on group projects. Simply, because I wanted to be the best. I worked hard for almost 7/7. There was a never-ending competitive feeling that urge me to be the best of the people around me. "If they can do it, why can't I?"

I easily felt so drained at that time, but I insisted. My friends often got good grades because of the results of my work, although they only gave the slightest effort to the project. Immaterial, I said. One thing I always say: "It's okay." 

Stupid sentence if I think about it now.

I was so young at that time.
Everything for me seems exciting. 

Everything seems to matter so much.
I give fucks for everything.

Then, as I grow older something else begins to change. My energy levels drop. I become selective about fucks I'm willing to give. Not that I was indifferent or cold like many people say. Otherwise, I call it as "maturity".

I remember that there is a famous Indonesian modest designer who said in her book that it is better for us to always pretend to be kind and happy eventhough it is fake so that other people feel better and comfortable around us. My response toward it: That is a complete bullshit. There are many things that contradict my principles. For me, I don't need to give a fuck about everything. I'm not saying she is wrong. It's a matter of perspective and what principle do you believe in.

Several times I got a reprimand from a friend just because there were some people who thought I was quite cold and act indifferent. If I feel unfamiliar, I tend to be as quiet as I am who really doesn't know him. I don't need to act fake by smiling at someone who I only know by face at the same workplace with me without getting acquainted before just because I feel bad not greeting him. That's stupid thing ever!

Several times I encountered something like this. They talked about this behind me, which I didn't care about. If that is the case, which I don't think is a problem, why don't they just greet me as they think before? Don't make it that hard.

This is the problem.

One thing I learned as I'm getting older is that when we give too many fucks about everything, then we will feel as though we are perpetually titled to feel happy and comfortable at all times. That's when life fucks us. Indeed, the ability to keep our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would absolutely make our life a hell of a lot easier.

- DAS -

This murmur flashed in my mind.

I feel like I have to write quickly to be immortalized.

To later be your reading material.

To be a slick sharing material.

Although at this time I lay on my bed and feel feverish throughout my body.

--

Lately I have been processing all the great and unpredictable events in the past two to three months.

I never cease to be thankful for what I have now.

Honestly, I had a hard time five months ago, and when I experienced difficulties on the journey, I started asking, "Why did God give me a quite winding road like this?" "Why am I a very complicated person in making choices that at the end of the day it leads me to a disappointment and a journey to fight back?" Questions like that have long remained silent in my mind. Then, a friend of mine came and was like throwing a ball in my face. He said "Don't blame God about your journey. You are the one that just too picky. You throw away some golden tickets for the uncertain things". 

I was silent: "What happened to me?" 

It was my weakness but it was like running towards me to attack.

When some people started questioning why it took me a long time to get back to looking for a job, it felt like I just wanted to be quiet. Sometimes there are things in your life that you don't need to explain to others, because.. I felt like it wasn't human capacity to answer. In fact, I'm busy choosing career opportunities that already exist. People started to give their opinions about me. You know what? Opinions are like assholes and everyone's got one. 

Yes. I am, again, talking about careers.

I always base all my life's journey on God's plan. Don't get me wrong. I meant what I believed in. I just need time to choose the things that can stipulate my heart and confidence. It takes me blink by blink to get here.

Long story short, I ended up working at a state owned company. And ... this is where I was able to see silver lining why God wanted to direct me here. Yep I didn't expect that I would really fit in with the culture, the people, and the work. Hamdulillah. As Sophia Amoruso said that there will always be a silver lining in everything. Once you begin to see it you will need sunglasses to combat the glare.

Every time I reflect on my previous experiences, I realize that everything I hate at the end of the day always becomes the best choice for me. In fact, when I choose everything I like (but my parents don't) it always ends up being a scourge for me. Funny, isn't it?

Even if I may be honest, the current work is soooo hard, but I am very challenged to continue to be able to provide more value to the company. One thing that I can pick and make it as a value of learning in my career based on my experience: Choose a job that keeps you motivated to learn. It's hard, even very difficult. You don't give up at all. Instead, it makes you motivated and very comfortable with the circle. That's the right career for you. Compete with yourself, not others. Trust me, there will always be a secret opportunity in every failure you have experienced. One more thing: Don't forget to consider the choice between your parents.

Believe me it's only a matter of time and determination.

Hopefully it will be a reflection for everyone reading this.

Hopefully you continue to believe that God will not put you in situations that are not your capacity.

I describe myself as a naive person rather than being afraid of others. Jealousy or astonishment of other people's behavior that are very positive and never show their failure always filled my mind at the moment. Honestly, it did make me feel worst or even the worst person alive. 

I tried to process all this negativity into some questions: Am I the only one who feels like this? Why does this become an obstacle for me to behave? 

The funny thing is that when you feel like this with other people, there are some people who actually feel the same way about you. Once I think about it, I am like "Wait, I don't have to feel this way. The solution is on me." I see the reflection of other people as an answer for my own insecurities.

This is a circle that won't ever stop. 

One thing I learned from this condition is that everybody else around you is just as insecure as you are. Everybody has insecurities. Everybody has self-doubt. Everyone was masking a lot of things because their animosity or their negativity or just the way they treated other people were just the reflection of how they dealing with on the inside. I understand that everyone will always try to decide how they want to be seen by others and what persona they want to show to the public. Even a mentor or adults you look up to.

If everybody has something, why are you letting people's energy take up space in your brain and in your own energy?